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You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.
Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.
What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.
Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.
Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.
Here honey, you use the remote.
While I'm up, can I get you anything?
Sex isn't that important, sometimes I just want to be held.
Aww, forget Monday Night Football, let's watch Melrose Place.
Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.
We never talk anymore.
You mean to tell me the legal age of consent is 18? Oh, shit...
I want to thank my lovely wife Gloria for being here with me today. Yeah, things have been a little rough for us lately, but she's always been there, right by my side. Except when she's out fellating the pool guy. Which pisses me off to no end...
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