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Many people yearn to reunite with an ex after a relationship has failed. There are countless advisors and therapists who can give you relationship breakup advice and reconciliation advice. Regardless on who you talk to, you will inevitably be told to follow eight simple rules if you want to get your ex back.
It ca not be stated enough that harassing or stalking your ex is an absolute NO. It is illegal in many places. It creates emotional blackmail that will eventually lead to your partner resenting you should you two actually get back together.
Step 1 in getting your ex back is to adhere to a strict policy of No Contact. Do not call him or her. Do not send him or her letters. Do not drop by his or her house. The whole point is that your ex cannot begin to miss you unless he or she is cut off completely. Naturally, if you work or go to school with your ex, or if have children with him or her, no contact just is not feasible. In this case, limit the contact to only times that cannot be avoided.
Step 2 is to keep busy. Your ex will most likely hear news of how you are taking the breakup. If he or she believes that you are despondent, then he or she will feel that the right decision was made in breaking up. If he or she learns of your happiness then you will resemble the person he or she was attracted to in the first place.
The third step is to embark on a voyage of personal improvement. Take a moral inventory of yourself. Discover any personality and emotional issues that may have contributed to the relationship failing. And, once you have determined your own flaws, find constructive ways to solve these issues. Go through therapy. Take a class. Practice the 12-steps (if they apply). The whole point is to gain a sense of inner peace and to become a better person. At no point should you consider the next step until you have at least given the third step at least a month.
Step 4 involves the first contact after the breakup. The first time you speak to your ex after the breakup should be kept very casual and very short. Ideally, this contact should be done over the phone. The reason for the contact should be very benign. NEVER, under any circumstances, should you talk about the relationship. Remain cheerful and lightly flirt. In fact, give him or her a couple of small compliments. The goal is to leave this person with the impression that talking with you is a pleasurable experience. Always end the conversation on a high note.
The fifth step is to engage in future casual conversations. Over time, your ex will begin to feel at ease talking to you. He or she may even start to ask if you miss him or her or if you wonder what happened to the relationship. Remember, remain nonchalant. Make sure he or she knows that you do in fact think about the past but are much more interested in what he or she is thinking about at this moment. Encourage the sharing of feelings. Make sure you LISTEN because it will help you to understand what went wrong in the relationship. And, always remember that the comfort zone should never be violated. If he or she wants to change the subject, then let the subject be changed
The sixth step is to never play the blame game. Also, do not beg for forgiveness. Either of these will make your ex feel you are depressed or are threatening to his or her comfort zone
Step 7 deals with how to segue from short conversations to casual meetings and dates. Following the previous 6 steps will guarantee that your ex will be ready to meet you for coffee or drinks occasionally. During these dates your ex will start to feel more comfortable in talking about the breakup. When this happens, make sure that you only use "I" statements. Never back your ex into a corner but also do not be a doormat. It is at this point that you should finally mention all the efforts you have made in personal development. This will appease your exes anxiety that the same problems will surface should he or she consider reconciliation.
Finally, slowly add romance back into the equation. The amount of romance should be based on their level of comfort around you. Your partner will come to remember why he or she fell in love with you in the past.
Take your time and be understanding. With time, you can construct a fresh and satisfying relationship.
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